what I did on my summer vacation......

"I can not be so many things, I can not be something for everyone. . . woman, beautiful, artist, wife, housekeeper, cook, saleslady all these things.  I cannot even be myself, not know who I am.  I must find something clear, stable and peaceful within myself within which I can feel and find some comfort and satisfaction."             - Eva Hesse

I have spent summers on Fire Island, on and off, since I was an infant.  After a bit of a hiatus, I started going there again and I found that being on the ocean gave me the deepest feeling of inner peace, regardless of what my mood happened to be.  I realized that I needed this environment in my life but it was very difficult to take time away from the studio.  I brought my daily watercolors with me but that wasn't enough, I felt I needed a project that I could work on, through which I could explore and grow.

I packed a studio in a box,(well 2 boxes) small tubes of all the oils I use, brushes, solvents, rags, knives, etc., carted this with me to the beach and started painting:

unfinished study, oil on canvas, 2000

It didn't make sense, I do these collections of stones and shells, in the studio and here I am at the ocean and . . . I wasn't responding.  I stopped.

Then, I began to realize that it was the infinite space of the ocean and the sky and how they met at the horizon line that enthralled me. That it was the feeling of being at the edge of the earth, in a place that was virtually unchanged since the beginning of this continent, which made me feel so connected.  That the changes in atmosphere and light, the colors of the sea and the sky, at times almost identical and then in an instant so different was what compelled me to watch for hours. 

Then I began to paint.